Sarah’s Story
Hi, I’m Sarah Moir, President and Founder of Crazy Daisy. I have suffered from a mental illness most of my life. I allowed my life to be defined by it for almost 20 years. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It is one of the more stigmatized psychiatric conditions– even within the medical community. Although there is no cure, recovery is possible. I have struggled, I do struggle and I will struggle.
The easiest way to explain BPD is to compare it to hemophilia – the slightest emotional scratch can cause me to bleed to death, figuratively. I feel emotions more intensely, harder and faster then most. They can also last a long, long time. I can’t just “snap out of it.”
I had a happy childhood and a wonderful, loving family. The physical symptoms came first. Ulcers by grade six, migraines in grade seven, eating disorder by 13, diagnosed with depression by 14, and a total disaster by 27! Hospital stays, doctors, pills…more hospital visits, more doctors, more pills…It took over 14 years for the correct diagnosis and years on waiting lists to receive treatment. Treatment can and does take years, and tons of hard work. It also takes a lot of luck.
I missed a lot of school – often weeks at a time either due to depression, migraines or anxiety. Still I always managed to keep up with the class and my marks overall were good. I went on to miss a lot of work and lost a lot of jobs. I knew I functioned better when I was working, but could not find a supportive place of employment. I would be hired, fired and hired again, teased because of my symptoms and the side effects of my medications.
While my peers went off to live meaningful, dynamic lives, I kept floundering. My behaviours pushed everyone away from me. The longer it went on, the sicker I got. I self medicated. This only made my symptoms worse and made me feel more ashamed. The more shame I felt, the more I withdrew, and the worse my illness got. Untreated mental illness is a vicious cycle.
I got my first job as a florist quite by accident during my first attempt at college. Quickly I discovered that, not only did I enjoy working with flowers, I was good at it. I love being surrounded by some of Mother Nature’s most beautiful creations every day. The vibrant colours and fragrances seem to give off an energy that helps to balance out my depression. I enjoyed being creative and working with my hands and knew instantly that I finally found my passion.
I studied floral design and decided to make it my career. I had a lot of successes. I had the chance to study and work under some well-respected floral designers. I learned a lot. When you love what you do, it is easy to be a hard worker and a dedicated employee. And I was – when I was well. When I was ill, I would lose my job, my friends, my identity, my livelihood, my apartment and my own self respect.
I finally found the right treatment for me – it’s called dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT)- at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Hamilton. I learned how to live with my condition and enrolled in the Small Business Management and Entrepreneurship course at Mohawk College. It was scary because I had botched two attempts at post secondary education. I was upfront about my illness with my instructors and made full use of disability services.
Attending Mohawk College and the DBT program were two of the best things that ever happened to me. I had academic success, a strong support system, and a knowledgeable healthcare team. I was proud of myself and made new friends. I had a mental illness – but it no longer had me. I became passionate about fighting the stigma surrounding mental illness, so that other people did not have to suffer in silence anymore. So that others could feel good and be well.
I graduated in the spring of 2008, and by September I opened my aptly named florist/social enterprise – Crazy Daisy with only $500. It wasn’t going to be easy. I wanted to provide a supportive place of employment that could offer other psychiatric survivors exactly what I was looking for – an identity beyond a diagnosis, a place in society, a living wage and social interaction.
I attended Innovation Night in Hamilton. It was a chance to talk about why I started Crazy Daisy and more importantly it was a chance to ask for advice and guidance. I received much more support then I ever dreamt possible. Trivaris, a commercialization firm, unofficially adopted this Crazy Daisy that night. Now they are helping me build a sustainable organization that uses floral services as a vehicle to promote mental wellness. Mohawk College has awarded Crazy Daisy a $5000 bursary for marketing collateral and even developed a new professional logo for the company.
Crazy Daisy is in the process of incorporating nationally as a not-for-profit social enterprise. We are now a member of the Trivaris family of companies and have strong ties with Mohawk College and St. Joseph’s Hospital via Rainbows End. We are the preferred vendor for Trivaris, Deloitte–Waterloo, Fellfab Ltd. and many others. Having outgrown our current location, we are moving into new facilities, split between McMaster Innovation Park and Rainbows End.
Things are still a challenge for me but, now I know that I am not weaker because I struggle with mental illness, I am stronger because I am surviving it. I believe Crazy Daisy can save lives. It has already saved mine.
Feel good and be well!
Sarah Moir
Founder & President, Crazy Daisy